Quality Time
This post was written on March 14th, 2011
I love this Girl. She is very much a Daddy’s girl, which I love because I was not close to my dad growing up. So to see her relationship with Sugar Daddy is really cool. But I also have a special relationship with her, and as she gets older I realize more and more that our time together is vital. It’s our life line in dealing with this crazy world!
Recently Girl and I had a Girl’s Night in her bedroom. She pulled out the trundle from her daybed, we had popcorn and rented a couple of movies: Nanny McPhee Returns and Romona & Beezus. We chatted and giggled. She talked and I listened. This is how children open up… when they feel relaxed and are having a good time.
Our children CRAVE one on one time with us. They need our attention. I know life is busy… believe me when I say I understand that finding the one on one time can be challenging… especially when you have multiple children. But it’s important. Here are some ideas for quality time with our kids:
1. Girls Night! Get some yummy snacks, movies of your child’s choice, and camp out in a different place in the house…. changing up the normal routine is what makes this so much fun! Paint each other’s nails, toenails, and take lots of pictures!
2. Camp out! This can be the Girl’s Night version for your boys. Set up a tent in your house, get out the sleeping bags and favorite board games or video games.
3. Make a scrapbook together. This doesn’t have to be elaborate… let your child take their own photos, print them off (or order them) and spend time writing about the memories. Boys enjoy this as well. You will learn a lot from what they choose to write.
4. Pick a restaurant that is just for you and your child. Each child can have their own special choice. Make a point to take your child out to lunch or dinner once every other month or so. Let them talk or let them be quiet…. let them be where they want to be in that moment.
5. Take your child with you on grocery trips (but not the really long ones). They can help with coupons or picking out treats. I only take them when I know the trip will be a short one. It never fails… this ALWAYS gets us chatting.
6. Build something together. Work on a diy project; they learn a new skill AND spend time with you. Pick a project appropriate for their age. Obviously re-finishing a dresser isn’t something you want to do with a three year old.
7. Sit in their room with them. This is simple and always works. When your child is in their room ask them if it’s okay to hang out with them… just the two of you. I do this with Teen & Tween and it’s my favorite. How often do you sit with your child in their room? Don’t just go to their room to clean it (I don’t clean my childrens rooms), spend time with them in their own space.
8. If you can, meet your child at school for lunch. There will be other kids around, but believe me… this will mean the world to them! (This only works when they are still elementary school level)
9. Bake or cook, but only if you enjoy to bake or cook, otherwise this becomes a frustration for BOTH of you. Don’t be controlling of the tasks they do…. allow them to make mistakes. The point is opening up conversation, not make them feel insecure.
10. Do something THEY enjoy. Tween likes to draw, so I’ll sit in his room or at the art table and draw with him. Teen plays basketball, so I’ll play HORSE with him or go out and shoot the ball. I know better then to try and play an actual game of basketball with him… to this day I can not run AND dribble the ball at the same time.
As your child gets older it’s important to choose one on one times that make them comfortable. If they feel like it’s a “set up” then it’s awkward and communication is one-sided; just from you. Don’t over think it… just do it. I promise you, you will learn so many new things about your child. And whatever they share with you… do NOT judge. This is their time to talk, to open up, to ask questions. Our children will deal with enough judgment from the world… they don’t need to hear it from their parents as well.
March 14th, 2011 at 10:02 am
laura, this is a wonderful post! love what you said about letting them be, not correcting mistakes!
my parents and i never really had any pleasant times together until I was like twenty:/ my younger siblings had it better, and that is ok, i learned a lot from my parents’ mistakes with me. (they did plenty right, i love them!)
all the ideas you shared are perfect! we have big plans like these for elijah, and hopefully more kids! he is only two, but LOVES going with mama to the grocery store-we get soft pretzels and he helps me pick things from the shelves;) papa sits in the evenings and plays planes and cars with him. i can’t wait for warm weather! last summer-almost every day-we’d walk to the park, play hard, then have water with lemon:) in the shade, and munch on chips or fruit! he is so fun!
kids DO love special time taken just for them! at any age!
SugarMama Reply:
March 14th, 2011 at 10:14 am
The earlier you start the one on one time the less awkward it is when they are older. It’s great to start early!
March 14th, 2011 at 10:47 am
That is so special- cherished memories for years to come!!
March 14th, 2011 at 1:10 pm
This is such great advice! We try to take dates with our oldest daughter without twins in tow. She really enjoys it and I think she feels valued as a result. I am hoping these outings will result in good communication.
March 14th, 2011 at 2:49 pm
This is so awesome & such great advice. We started doing individual”date days” with our oldest when she was 3 & she loves the one on one time. Our youngest is 2.5 and I havent done date days with her yet, but I plan on starting it with over Spring Break!
March 14th, 2011 at 8:50 pm
My daughter and I used to have Girl’s Night every Friday night! For years we would get yummy snacks, play cards, watch shows, chat and snuggle till we fell asleep. She is heading off to college in the fall and I am soooo very happy we did this as we have fond memories. Absorb this time with your girl!!
SugarMama Reply:
March 14th, 2011 at 11:06 pm
I love to hear stories like this one… that your daughter has the fond memories even as she’s heading off to college. That’s what I hope for with my own children; that the good memories will out weigh the bad.
March 14th, 2011 at 10:08 pm
What a fabulous post! I think too often we get caught up in life that we forget to give our kids one on one time.
SugarMama Reply:
March 14th, 2011 at 11:06 pm
It is easy to do, for sure.
March 14th, 2011 at 10:37 pm
aww so sweet! this 100% reminds me of hanging out with my mom when I was your daughter’s age! but instead of nanny mcphee we watched “my girl”
you are definitely making memories that will last a long time.
another way my mom got me to “open up” more as I got into the baaaad teenage years was to take me on a shopping trip. it’s an hour to our closest mall so we had a solid two hours of talking!
SugarMama Reply:
March 14th, 2011 at 11:08 pm
LOVED that movie! I cried every time I watched it, I’m sure I still would today. I went on a few shopping trips with my mom as well during those challenging teen years (and oh how they were challenging). What I really love about those memories is when I remember that she just let me be me those days. I know that was hard for her. But meant so much to me.
March 15th, 2011 at 10:09 pm
Great advice! Oh, what I have to look forward to! Thank you for this snapshot of the future : )
March 16th, 2011 at 3:38 pm
awesome post! mind if I mention it and link to it on my blog? I recently had some teenagers over to hang out and my husband took the sulky bored teenage boys to the garage to help him work on the car. It made me realize what a great parent he’ll be to our kids since he really GETS the importance of hanging out with them, making them comfortable, and meeting them where they’re at. But it also made me realize how awkward I am at it. I have definitely taken all these ideas to heart. =)
SugarMama Reply:
March 16th, 2011 at 5:13 pm
You are more than welcome to link to it. My husband is more comfortable dealing with the teenage kids than I am…. I feel awkward as well most of the time. But the more we do it, the more comfortable we’ll be, right?!
August 8th, 2011 at 1:16 pm
[...] recently read an excellent post on Quality Time from the blog, Daily Dose of Sugar Mama. She listed some excellent ideas for spending time with [...]
September 28th, 2011 at 8:23 am
I love this and these ideas! If it’s okay with you I’d like to use some of these for my upcoming 31 days of Joyfilled Parenting. Crediting you of course
SugarMama Reply:
September 28th, 2011 at 8:47 am
Of course you can! I was going to try and do the 31 series as well, but couldn’t organize my thoughts into one category. Maybe I could do 31 Days of Losing My Mind