He is Braver Than I
This post was written on March 10th, 2011Bare with me as I get very emotional in this post… as I admit a very personal fear. Usually I share just enough, but not too much. Here I am sharing it all.
Tween’s best friend is moving this summer to California. And when I say “best friend” I mean that in every sense of the phrase. They are inseparable, have the same interests, hobbies, and have been this way for the last 3 years. I know the change will be hard on Tween as he starts the Jr. High without his bestie. This year was hard enough when he found out none of his friends were in his class.
Anyway, I’m getting of track here…. Tween’s best friend is moving. And he gets to go with them as they travel from the Midwest to California. When this idea was brought up to me I immediately freaked out, thinking that he can NOT be away from me for TWO WHOLE weeks. But, of course he can. And he wants to go. Of course he wants to go. He wants to spend every last minute with his friend that he can. They’ll be white water rafting in Colorado, camping in Yellowstone, exploring northern California and MUCH more.
Then…. and here’s the kicker…. Tween will fly back home.
By himself.
From San Francisco.
And he is SO excited. He’s beyond excited! He didn’t hesitate for one second to agree to this. Right away he said “yes!”. Flying by himself doesn’t have him the least bit concerned. Being away from the family he is used to being around every day doesn’t bother him either. He likes the idea of adventure. And NOTHING is holding him back. He was presented an awesome opportunity… and he isn’t giving it a second thought.
Then there is me.
I used to be adventurous. In fact, at one point in my teen years I wanted to be a white water rafting guide. I wanted to travel the world, repel off of mountains, hike the highest peaks, and more. But then I had three children and something inside of me changed. Now I have a hard time leaving my house without them. There, I said it. That’s the part I didn’t want to share, but that I know I NEED to share. I like to think that I’m independent, strong, and confident….
But inside I’m terrified to be away from them. And I can’t really pinpoint why that is. I know I NEED the break away from them, as they need the break away from me. I always have a good time when I finally get myself out and away. But the thing is, I’ve NEVER traveled by myself. Never. Once I flew to San Francisco but my brother met me at the gate and drove me to his place. I didn’t have to catch a cab, rent a car, maneuver my way around a big city, or deal with anyone.
In September I will have to do that as I am attending Blog Sugar 2011. This isn’t a plug for the conference (although I do recommend it). It’s me sharing with you that I am utterly terrified. My stomach has been in knots since I booked my flight; my flight to LAX… one of the busiest airports. I’ll have to find my way out of the airport and out of Los Angeles… one of the busiest cities. What on earth am I thinking?! I get lost every. single. time I drive through Kansas City. And that is WITH a GPS. How will I do this? I’m envisioning myself getting terribly lost, being a complete wreck, my rental car breaking down on the side of the freeway, and much worse.
Not to mention my social anxiety. When I’m around a large group of unfamiliar people I tend to shut down a little bit. It takes me a while to warm up… a while to be myself. Well, I won’t have a while. I’ll have 7 hours (that’s the length of the conference).
All of this is running through my head. But I made myself register for the conference. I made myself book the flight. And I’m making myself go BY. MYSELF. I’m not taking Sugar Daddy. I’m not taking one of my children. I’m not asking a friend to go with me. I want to be like Tween. I want to enjoy the adventure… wherever it takes me. I want to meet new people… female bloggers unite! I want to be in southern California…. it’s always been a dream of mine.
Because, I too, was presented an awesome opportunity; to connect with other creative women, spend time in fellowship with them, see the ocean (I miss living by the ocean!), refresh and renew my mind, and eat cupcakes. 
I can take the time off from work, my husband is supportive, we can pay for the trip…. nothing is holding me back. So, of course I should take advantage of the opportunity! I’d live with so much regret if I didn’t.
I’m putting on my big girl panties. I’m going to be brave. And maybe, just maybe, this will open up all new doors for me.
“Promise me you’ll always remember: You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” -Christopher Robin to Pooh
March 10th, 2011 at 10:04 am
You can do it! I worry like you when I leave my kids. I think it stems from the worry that something will happen to me while I’m on travel and then it’s my fault I left them. But really, we can’t live our lives with thoughts like that. And we are better mothers and happier when we do things for ourselves at times. I only wish you were making the trip to BlogHer in the fall! Then I would be there to join you!
SugarMama Reply:
March 10th, 2011 at 10:32 am
I thought about attending BlogHer but it was just a little too much for me right now (as in terms of the amount of people attending). I’m taking baby steps
The timing for BlogHer was much better though as I’m not working in August. Maybe next year! And I look forward to hearing from you about it.
March 10th, 2011 at 10:19 am
Oh my gosh, this is me EXACTLY. I want to do more but am just not able to separate from the kids yet and my social anxiety also takes over. So glad you shared this, I am in the same boat. Too bad I’m not going to Blog Sugar, we could support each other through it.
March 10th, 2011 at 10:52 am
Wow I totally understand where you are coming from! I have those very same feelings about being separated from my kidlets but these are small little steps in growing them into adults. My first is heading off to college in the fall and looking back on the times I put aside my fears and let her venture out on trips and opportunities were actually preparing me for this.
I hope you enjoy your trip to L.A. I live here and I know it will be different for you but you will be just fine! If you need help – let me know!
Paula
March 10th, 2011 at 11:51 am
Just checked out the Blog Sugar site and noticed it was in Westminster. It may be too late but did you check into John Wayne Airport in Orange County? It is closer than LAX. Just a thought….
SugarMama Reply:
March 10th, 2011 at 12:21 pm
I was originally going to fly into John Wayne, but the tickets were more expensive and I can fly non-stop to LAX from Omaha. I liked the idea of only a 3 hour flight. But now I’m nervous….
March 10th, 2011 at 11:58 am
oh how i hope, hope, hope i can make it to blog sugar too! then we can be brave together, because big groups of people typically equal zero fun for me. but bravery seems to always come with amazing outcomes, so here’s to getting on that plane, renting that car, and tackling our fears: one step at a time!
SugarMama Reply:
March 10th, 2011 at 12:23 pm
I usually steer clear from big groups… especially of ALL women. BUT, the atmosphere of this conference seems inviting vs intimidating. I hope you can make it too!(And I’m thinking maybe I’ll pay a little extra and get a cab to take me everywhere vs trying to drive… hee hee!)
March 10th, 2011 at 12:28 pm
I would probably feel the same way as you about one of my kids flying home by themselves, especially from San Francisco but it is a great opportunity for him to travel and spend some time with his friend. But what a bummer that his friend is moving so far away.
It takes a lot of courage to go to a blogging conference by yourself. I registered for BlogHer11 in August and I am very nervous about it but in order to grow I have to challenge myself. I wish you luck in you travels and your time at Blog Sugar.
SugarMama Reply:
March 10th, 2011 at 12:34 pm
“in order to grow I have to challenge myself”…. that is VERY true!
March 10th, 2011 at 2:34 pm
darling, sugar{hey, i don’t know your name!},
i am super proud of you!! you’ll do great! and maybe some people(or me) can meet you at lax and help a sister out!:)
{although i am super stoked to glean from the fabulous speakers and meet these amazing women…i. am. nervous. i am just a “regular old girl”. i will be way out of my comfort zone, not knowing a single person(unless my california cousin comes!). the ladies that i’ll meet there (including yourself!) have inspired me in so many beautiful ways. i know i am just fine, but i do feel a teensy bit out of my league. ha.
i am confident though, these girls are just as real and loving as they seem online. what a treat, to meet and blend with such a group!}
love ya!
xo
SugarMama Reply:
March 10th, 2011 at 3:26 pm
Ha! My name is Laura, by the way.
And I feel really good about this group of women as well. I’m hoping that once more people register a group of us can share a rental car and hotel room… that way we save money AND feel more comfortable getting around. As time goes by I’m sure we’ll start feeling more at ease about it (but then once Sept comes around I’ll be FREAKING out again!) 
March 10th, 2011 at 5:13 pm
hey, laura;-)
yes! sharing would be fabulous! between now and then i am sure the perfect non freakout plans will come together for you!
i am traveling with my man and toddler-seriously considering spending at least one night away with some girlfriends though if it works out! FUN CITY!
March 10th, 2011 at 8:40 pm
I’m with you 100% on this. I need a lot of time to warm up with people, I’m shy awkard and suddenly forget how to talk when I’m in a large group. I signed up for Chicago’s Bloggy Boot Camp, and while I’m super excited, I’m terrified. Thankfully my husband is driving me there, no way am I going to navigate the streets of Chicago with a 4 week old baby in the back.
My advice for traveling alone, which I also hate doing, is have more information that you think you will need. Print out directions, have them on your phone, iPod, laptop, whatever you are taking with you. Give yourself extra time in case you do get turned around. And breath.
Good luck and hugs!
SugarMama Reply:
March 10th, 2011 at 9:13 pm
Thank you SO much! It is very reassuring to me when I hear that other women struggle with the same social awkwardness (although I AM sorry that you deal with it too). And I will probably be MORE than prepared because I’m slightly OCD and a bit of a control freak. But the control freak in me is one of the reasons this is SO difficult!
March 10th, 2011 at 9:54 pm
okay, I know you want to do it all by yourself, but just know that I will be there if you need some help! Before you fly I’ll give you my cell # and you can call if you get lost or anything. I have lived here my whole life, and gone to LAX over a hundred times, so you are in good hands if a crisis should arise!
I’d even go pick you up if you really needed it 
Seriously, so proud of you and beyond excited to meet you!
SugarMama Reply:
March 11th, 2011 at 8:03 am
You do not know how much relief that gives me! Thanks for being patient with this small town girl.
March 11th, 2011 at 12:58 am
I’m so glad I checked out your blog today!! Seeing that we just “met” yesterday. Lol. I was in Kansas City last year for the Rodeo–ever heard of that? The one with all the Linemen..my man’s one of them and he competed over there–so we have Kansas City in common. Secondly, I am terrified to be around a large group of people that I don’t know–especially since um…I just started my blog as originally I was posting pictures for my 2011 Project Life book..but after a life-changing conference where I ventured out of my comfort zone and went where I knew no one but grew so much as a mom…I just had to tell the world (so to speak) so I wrote about it. The thing is, the more I write, the more I have to say–no matter who is listening/reading…so I opted out of FB, got a twitter account and follow the people I am inspired by, learn from, make me think, etc…and I heard about Blog Sugar and am thrilled to be going…and I’ll introduce myself to you–one face I may recognize. Proud of you and can’t wait to meet you! And your blog is pretty–I’m still very much in the realm of basic…I’d like to move to proficient soon (the school teacher in me, sorry)!
SugarMama Reply:
March 11th, 2011 at 8:06 am
I think it’s great that you are putting yourself out there so early with your blog though! I’ve had this blog for 1 1/2 now and it seems like I’m just now getting my name out there. To say that I’m terrified is an understatement. I am beyond terrified. But there used to be this very adventurous person in me and I’m ready to bring her back out!
March 11th, 2011 at 4:57 am
What a great opportunity for your son! He is going to have an amazing experience! I think you are going to do great on your trip out to LA and you too will have an awesome experience!
March 11th, 2011 at 4:09 pm
Yeah! I am SO glad you registered for Blog Sugar! Can’t wait to meet you there! I am proud of you for biting the bullet & getting your tickets. It is going to be so FUN!
SugarMama Reply:
March 11th, 2011 at 4:22 pm
I’m really excited! I planned my flight to arrive early on Friday so I’ll have some time to enjoy SoCal before having to leave Monday morning. I need a tour guide to show me around.
March 11th, 2011 at 11:29 pm
Surprisingly, I am terribly shy and awkward in social situations. The thought of meeting people from outside the comfort of my keyboard terrifies me. Really truly.
I know how you feel.
PS. That quote is laminated in my wallet
SugarMama Reply:
March 12th, 2011 at 9:31 am
Don’t you think that’s true for a lot of us that blog? That’s why blogging is such a great resource because we can “meet” people without actually meeting people. I have always been and probably always will be a bit socially awkward.