Dormancy of Last Year
This post was written on March 3rd, 2011This time last year I was struggling. One of the downfalls to my job is working inside all winter and having very little social interaction. The sun doesn’t shine for months and it’s easy to feel uninspired; which I was. And I was feeling defeated. As the definition of “dormant” states I was:
adj. 1. inactive; sleeping 2. temporarily inactive 3. alive but not growing
Like a volcano I was alive but not active. And like a dormant volcano I had the potential of being vivacious and fiery (but without the potential of harming people part). When I re-read that post I can feel it. I can visualize the woman that wrote it; sitting at her little desk staring off in a daze. Trying to find inspiration. Praying that a new opportunity will jump out at her. Crying and BEGGING for something new and exciting.
So, what has changed since last year? Well, I’m 1 year older, a few pounds heavier, and my hair is longer. In all seriousness, I do still feel dormant at times. It’s something I may always struggle with this time of year. Last year in March I was trying to convince Sugar Daddy that our family needed to re-locate to San Diego, which was a “no-go” for him. But I was craving warmth and sunshine. I was craving change.
The updates from the list I made last year:
1. Pray; make prayer a part of my daily life again
update: I don’t pray daily. This alone would probably make a huge difference with my state of dormancy, but I’m still at a strange place with my prayer life. And I’m really not sure how to get out of the “funk”.
2. Journal ideas that come to me; things I enjoy, things that inspire me
update: I journal a LOT. I’ve been gathering quotes and pictures of things that inspire me for my inspiration board that Sugar Daddy made. I can’t wait to start pinning stuff on it!
3. Look around & take it all in.
update: Doing the Project Life album is making me more aware of all the daily stuff… but it’s also making me more aware of how boring life can sometimes be.
4. NOT focus on where I am right now but to where I will be in the future
update: Thinking of the future has been fun AND scary! In 4 short years I could have a child in college! That is scary. But I’m also working on a 4-5 year plan and that is exciting!
5. Allow myself time away from Sugar Daddy and the kids to dream, think, reflect, pray, & recharge my mind & brain
update: I don’t get away enough. That’s all I can really say about that. I don’t know why it’s so difficult for me to do something for myself… or why I always feel so rushed when I’m away from my husband and kids. I know I’m a better wife & mother when I’ve had a break from them.
6. Realize that there will be setbacks. There will be days that I feel completely uninspired
update: Yes, this is true. And the dormant feeling has come back again to visit. But this too shall pass… the sun will start shining, my body will be filled with vitamin D, and my mood will shift. Come on Spring and sunshine! Come of flowers and green grass!
7. Remind myself on those bad days that God is so much greater than me & He knows my purpose.
update: He is SO much greater… and thank goodness for that! I do believe He knows my purpose, but it’s so frustrating that He won’t just TELL me. Or maybe He has told me and I wasn’t listening? Maybe I don’t allow enough peace in my life to hear Him. Could that be it???
Do you journal? What has changed for you since this time last year? Do you struggle with your moods in the winter? Please tell me I’m not alone in this. 
March 3rd, 2011 at 11:00 am
You are sooo not alone in this! Winter starts here around November. It’s fun until January. Then January-March it’s miserable! We are finally starting to get warm days mixed in with our cold days. The days are starting to get longer. I can feel Spring is almost here & it’s exciting. I’m so SICK of winter! It’s depressing!
And I know how you feel about the prayer life. The other day I told myself, “Kate, if you would spend half the time on prayer as you do on blogging then you would feel TONS better.” Yeah….I should work on that for real…
I just went through my closet at my parents’ house in my old bedroom & found a box full of all my old journals. I used to journal daily. I don’t really anymore. I did write a journal all through my pregnancy to Lboy. That’s fun to go back & read!
SugarMama Reply:
March 3rd, 2011 at 11:52 am
We need more warmth and prayer!
March 3rd, 2011 at 12:36 pm
Absolutely, amen to all of them!
I only came across this Project Smile this week, and even tho the gal was only doing it during the long winter months, I decided to start doing it as well.
http://n-good-company.blogspot.com/2011/03/good-health-project-smile.html
Yes, I do journal. I have an online one — ldsjournal.com
Visiting from Mama Kats
March 3rd, 2011 at 1:38 pm
I’m right there with you on 4, 5, and 6. It is important to look at the future instead of focusing on the right now. Also time away from husband and kids is good for recharging batteries. I don’t get this alot but when I do I really enjoy it.
March 3rd, 2011 at 3:46 pm
You are definitely not alone! I finally realized this winter why I should be grateful to live in Florida… sunny and 75 at the end of February. I am really not sure I could have made it another month. Too much gray! (The thing is, I look forward to winter every year for the quiet reprieve it brings. Seasons are such wonderfully funny things!)
SugarMama Reply:
March 3rd, 2011 at 4:10 pm
I do the same thing about looking forward to the fall/winter after the hot summer. I love thinking about football season, cooler weather, etc. But our winters in NE are SO long!
March 3rd, 2011 at 7:40 pm
This is a wonderful post! You are definitely not alone in being alive without truly living. It happens a lot, and it’s easy to fall back into it. Just know that summer is comin’ soon!
Thanks for visiting!
SugarMama Reply:
March 3rd, 2011 at 9:27 pm
Summer IS just around the corner! Can’t wait for the sunny & warmer days! (I need to remember this when I’m saying I’m ready for the cold & cozy days)
March 3rd, 2011 at 11:38 pm
I think #5 by far is the most important. Nourish you so you can nourish the ones you love
SugarMama Reply:
March 4th, 2011 at 8:01 am
I agree that this is incredibly important BUT for some reason I don’t make it happen near enough. My husband is so supportive of me going out with friends or just getting out of the house, but yet, this is where I usually sit. Why is that, I wonder?
March 5th, 2011 at 1:53 am
I remember this time last year… I was a wreck. Just about to give birth to my 2nd child. Husband flying away for work. Feeling totally disconnected. Toddler turned psycho with the terrible two’s. I think I cried every day. Despite knowing how blessed I was. It was an awful funk. But I remember one particular moment when I just cried out to God, just totally wondering why why why I felt so lost. It was probably the most real praying from the gut I’ve ever experienced, and it was mostly just a groan. Now? I still struggle. Still trying to make sense of life with two young kids. Still trying to figure out how our marriage works with kids. I think it’s more than just date nights, and free time, and all that good stuff we want. For me, it’s been an identity crisis and a lesson in letting go of all the things I want to control.
But I do admit, San Diego isn’t shabby. If I had to face real winters, I think that would just push me over the edge. I am wimpy like that. You should revisit the moving-to-San Diego idea. =)
SugarMama Reply:
March 5th, 2011 at 9:47 am
Marriage with kids is a struggle, and especially when the husband and wife don’t agree on the parenting part. Thankfully Sugar Daddy and I agree for the most part, just every now and then we butt heads (and I usually give in). The identity struggle I SO wish I could tell you how to fix it… but it’s something I face on a weekly basis. I tell myself that God has me right here where I need to be for right now. But then I question how to move on? And if only letting go was THAT easy.
San Diego probably isn’t in the cards for us… but we are eyeing Dallas. I know it’s not the most fabulous place in the world, but it’s warmer and we could potentially buy land. In San Diego we could NEVER buy land.
Yolanda @ Blaggie Plaggie: Babblings of a Mommy Doctor Reply:
March 7th, 2011 at 12:37 am
@SugarMama,
ahhh, so true. san diego housing is ridiculous.
isn’t it incredible how sunshine can make such a huge impact on how we feel? i can only function within a temperature range of about ten degrees now. pathetic. and i can’t believe i’m wearing uggs too when it’s in the 70s.
good luck with your search for more warmth!
March 5th, 2011 at 4:08 pm
I totally struggle with my mood during the winter. I hate winter. I really, really do. I have absolutely no motivation to do anything, and I definitely don’t want to go anywhere during that time of year. I prefer the 90 degree weather and sun year round!
I also think #5 is very important. Taking time for yourself makes a big difference.