What I’m Learning in My 30′s: I’m Not Meant to Manage It All
This post was written on February 17th, 2011The #1 question I get is “how do you manage it all? With the daycare, three kids of your own & their activities & your husband working a lot of nights & weekends… how do you not go crazy?” Seriously, I get that question a lot. Next to “How old were you when you got pregnant?” Because everyone loves a juicy teen pregnancy story. I always feel awkward answering the managing it all question because to be honest, I don’t always manage.
Just tonight I lost it.
My throat hurts from screaming.
I had an entirely different post planned to write concerning “managing a household”, but it felt like a fraud after tonight. The truth is ladies, sometimes I just don’t manage. I lose it. Sugar Daddy works nights a lot, which leaves me in charge of our three children and three dogs; their homework, chores, activities, etc. Sometimes I just feel overwhelmed when trying to also work in a work out for myself, grocery shopping, couponing, cleaning, making a good dinner, preparing for the next day of work, etc.
Some nights run like a well oiled machine. Production is smooth, workers are getting along, all is good. Other nights it’s a completely different scenario. It’s the NYSE’s stock exchange trader floor with people yelling, everyone running around, a lot getting done but nothing getting done at the same time, utter chaos that leaves us all stressed and exhausted. I remind myself that even during that chaos something is being managed. Maybe not the way I’d like it, but sometimes that’s just how it is.
Sometimes we don’t manage it all. But that doesn’t make us a failure, that makes us human.
I hope my children can forgive me when I yell. They don’t deserve it… even when it is their disobedience or attitude that causes me to yell, I know I shouldn’t. And I hope I can forgive myself for being a crappy mom sometimes. We talk a lot in our home about forgiveness and accepting each other, tonight was a good teaching moment. To manage a household we need to accept each others bad moods & mistakes; accept but not always tolerate… there is a difference. (ex: I accept that my daughter may have a bad day that led to a bad mood. But I won’t tolerate her treating everyone else in the house like crap for the entire evening.)
There you have it… it’s no secret or special list of rules. It’s simple. Don’t try to manage it ALL, because it wasn’t ALL meant for just you to manage. There isn’t a trophy for “The One Who Managed It All”. And if there are trophies to be given, I’d rather get the one for “The One Who Was Imperfect But Had a Lot of Fun”
*This is a part of my “What I’m Learning in my 30′s” series found here on my blog & also a part of Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop*
February 17th, 2011 at 7:54 am
“Sometimes we don’t manage it all. But that doesn’t make us a failure, that makes us human. ”
Isn’t that the truth!!!
Great post.
Stopped by from Mama Kat’s
SugarMama Reply:
February 17th, 2011 at 8:24 am
Thanks for visiting!
February 17th, 2011 at 8:02 am
I love honest posts–this one is awesome!
Sorry you lost it, I know how that goes. This morning I was frustrated with my little guy I just wanted to explode. But I’m visiting at my parents’ house, they don’t need to know “monster” mom this early in the morning! lol
Found you via Mama Kat’s!
Great post & I hope that you have a better day today!
SugarMama Reply:
February 17th, 2011 at 8:24 am
Maybe you should let your parents see “monster mom” and they’ll offer to watch your son for the day while you de-stress.
February 17th, 2011 at 8:02 am
PS Your blog rocks! Love the design!
SugarMama Reply:
February 17th, 2011 at 8:23 am
Thanks!
February 17th, 2011 at 9:13 am
Ugh, been there done that.
February 17th, 2011 at 10:52 am
I know the feeling. Sometimes things run smooth at my house and I can accomplish a lot. Other times I can’t get anything done and I am cranky and yell at my children when they don’t deserve it. I just do the best I can and hope it will all work out. I like how honest your post was, thank you for not pretending.
SugarMama Reply:
February 17th, 2011 at 1:27 pm
There is never pretending here. I just don’t feel like the pretending is helpful to anyone. Thanks for stopping by!
February 17th, 2011 at 4:02 pm
Holy Cow I totally know what you’re talking about! Although I haven’t really gotten the “how do you manage” question. Maybe because I dont look like I AM managing. But last night my hubby was sick and I had about four minutes of holding back tears. Where he usually steps in and takes over, he was already asleep in bed with a fever. I don’t know how single moms do it.
Thanks for the honesty–and thanks for stopping by my place. Your blog is adorable! I look forward to reading more!
SugarMama Reply:
February 17th, 2011 at 7:04 pm
When my husband is at work it’s tough to maintain a calm household. I remember when my three kids were little and he was working nights and weekends I was so stressed! It made me figure out how to make things work on my own.
February 17th, 2011 at 5:47 pm
Sometimes I think our feminist role models let us down by teaching us we could do anything. It gets misinterpreted to mean we *should* do everything. My mantra is “you CAN have it all, just not all at the same time.”
SugarMama Reply:
February 17th, 2011 at 6:59 pm
I like the way you worded that: “you can have it all, just not all at the same time”. Good words to live by.
February 18th, 2011 at 1:05 pm
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Check it out on my site!
February 18th, 2011 at 1:22 pm
I hear ya – I’m walkin’ the same path, girly.