Having a Teen Requires Thick Skin
This post was written on February 10th, 2011Some things Teen has said to me just this week:
Teen: “Mom, you must be losing whatever it was you had.”
Me: “What do you mean?”
Teen: “One of my friends saw you at a basketball game and he said he doesn’t know what the other kids are thinking, because you are not good looking. So, whatever it was you had, you must me losing it.”
Me: “First, I’m not trying to impress a 14 year old boy. Secondly, you better never speak of someone’s mother that way especially to the child of that mother. Thirdly, it was rude for you to tell me this. There is nothing productive about this conversation”.
Teen: “Yeah there is. Maybe you can work on getting “it” back.”
Me: Rolled my eyes and walked away. To be honest, I went upstairs to my bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror. I made note of the extra dark spots on the face, wrinkles around eyes, dry flaky skin, and dull hair. Rolled my eyes again. “Whatever!” I said to myself out loud. I look JUST fine! Then I got upset with myself for letting some 14 year old punk kid get to me.
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Looking through a photo album with one of the daycare moms (she wanted to see what Girl looked like as a baby) Teen happened to walk by.
Teen: pointing at a picture he says “Oh, I forgot what you looked like when you looked young.”
Me: “What are you talking about? I look awful in that picture?” (it was a pic of me just a few days after giving birth to Girl)
Teen: “Well you look a lot older now.” And then he just walked off.
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Sugar Daddy says Teen never have a girlfriend for long because he doesn’t know how to censor what he says. We’ve always been a really honest family, but we are trying to teach him the difference in saying something that can help someone (telling them their breath stinks and they should brush their teeth again before someone at school notices) and saying things that are just rude (Mom, you don’t look young anymore). Teen has a very dry sense of humor but with me he is never joking. He is brutally honest.
He will either find a girl with really thick skin that appreciates being criticized frequently. Or he’ll learn to guard his words, censor what he says, and think before he speaks.
February 10th, 2011 at 8:41 am
oh my gosh I don’t even know what to say! I can’t believe that punk kids said that and good for you for explaining to Teen that it wasn’t appropriate to tell you. Either way, I think you handled a very hard situation with a lot of grace.
SugarMama Reply:
February 10th, 2011 at 9:04 am
I think my husband and I made it very clear to him that he shouldn’t speak this way about women. And Teen seemed to understand. We are always talking to him and Tween about how to respect women, so maybe he’ll only be this way with me & not speak that way to other women???? Let’s hope so!
February 10th, 2011 at 9:19 am
Ohhh no! I may have cried. My oldest is a little brutal sometimes when he talks to me…it’s new though…it came with middle school. But my 7 year old has no problem telling me I “need” whatever workout video is being advertised on TV!
SugarMama Reply:
February 10th, 2011 at 9:46 am
Yeah, the workout thing is a constant comment from Teen. I try not to let it get to me, but it does bother me sometimes that he speaks this way. I’m working on it…. hopefully it’s just a phase. He used to be so sweet!
February 10th, 2011 at 10:15 am
Oh no! My son told me I was lazy for sitting and watching he and daddy play baseball.
I went on a rant about how I had just cooked all our dinners, pack all our lunches and did all our laundry.
Grrr.
SugarMama Reply:
February 10th, 2011 at 12:03 pm
Good for you! Remind them of the “little” things that add up. It’s all about being appreciative and that’s a hard thing to teach!
February 10th, 2011 at 6:24 pm
Oh man…so not looking forward to teen years.
February 18th, 2011 at 9:49 am
Oh man! That’s brutal. And totally natural that you would feel affected by his comments – as much as we don’t want to let a 14 year old’s opinion affect us – it still will sting a bit. I personally think we get better with age.
You look fabulous to me!
SugarMama Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 10:00 am
Thank you love! He’s teaching me to not take other people’s opinions so seriously.
February 18th, 2011 at 10:55 am
I loved reading this, not because my son is a teenager yet, but because my husband is brutally honest and blunt. Boy does it keep me real, but sometimes you just wonder… I expect my son and daughter will actually grow up to be the same since we are all generally of the blunt variety.
Next time you scrutinize yourself in the mirror, keep in mind that all those wrinkles, marks, soft spots… they are all testimony to the repeated smiles, tears, births, family outings, sleepless nights, etcetera that you have experienced over the years. they are all testimony to love lived out to the fullest. at least that’s what I like to think when it comes to the droopy boobs post-breastfeeding… =)